On this blog I talk a lot about self-love demonstration. Self-love is a driving force behind our life, because self-love informs our decisions. We can think about what brings us joy- but to go out and experience joy we need our self-love. We need it to provide us strength and push us to take that leap into happiness.
Christmas is a time in our culture that creates space for us to take extra time and special care in loving the people around us. From the presents that we give our family to the time we spend with friends; America has transformed a holiday to revolve around community.
Through these ideals I have spoken about letters and presents, and other components to the Christmas season. I now want to bring these ideals closer to home.
I imagine that you have spent these past few weeks on the hunt for presents and calling your friends and family making plans to celebrate. These steps you’ve taken to demonstrate love to your community speaks well about who you are. What you value and what kind of person you choose to be. But I wonder, how well have you demonstrated love towards yourself?
Learning how to demonstrate self-love can be challenging at first. Make no mistake, that this skill is not a natural skill anymore. Despite approaching the idea of self-care as if we all know it, this is assumed knowledge. We need to be taught how to love ourselves, and more importantly how to unlearn the dysfunction that is blocking us from our own love.
How to Demonstrate Self-love this Christmas Season:
Detox.
The first step to demonstrating love, is to remove the dysfunction in our life. This process can take years depending on the depth and ickiness of the dysfunction. So, my recommendation is to start small and just as a turtle slowly and steadily wins the race, so will you.
Start by being conscientious about the decisions you make moving forward. Clean house can be hard work, but one way to make the job easier is to keep anymore dirt from coming in. During this holiday season and moving forward take the time to consider your decisions and options. Choose to not welcome in people, places, and things you know to be dysfunction and unhealthy for you.
It’s the small moments.
Demonstrating self-love is not about the grand moments but the small little ones. Yes, it’s easy to celebrate your birthday once a year. Yes, it’s easy to buy yourself something you desire once and awhile. Self-love truly comes into your life when we breath in and breath out. When we make decisions about what we’ll wear, what we’ll eat, what we’ll do, and what we won’t do, in order to support ourselves.
Have you ever agreed to something you didn’t want? Have you ever denied your own voice and kept silent while you secretly screamed within your mind? Have you ever permitted others to treat you poorly because you never stood up for yourself and called them out on it?
Self-love demonstration happen each moment in your life when you honor who you are, where you are in your growth, and push yourself to pursue your dreams.
Foundation of love.
A strong component of self-love demonstration comes from our foundation. It’s easy to spend money on a present. It’s harder to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes or backslide. Can you say you love your body? Can you say you love the life you’ve created? Can you say that you love yourself even as you see the areas of growth?
By creating a foundation in love rather than fear, shame, or guilt- you have created a loving and happy reality for yourself.
Do unto self, as you do unto others.
What I often find when I talk with people, is that they don’t know where to start. They don’t know how to demonstrate love for themselves. The truth is there are many ways we demonstrate self-love and there are many components. These styles and components take time to learn, but that doesn’t mean that you then aren’t ready to demonstrate love for yourself.
My tip is to think about what you would do for someone you love. I recently talked with a friend who had the flu. She is one of the sweetest and most giving people. We know she’s the friend to call, day or night, if we need help or support. But she can sometimes forget to demonstrate that same level of love for herself. When she called me up and we talked I asked her what she would do for a friend who knocked on her door with the flu. Then I said, “do that.”
Your knowledge on how to love yourself may be small but your knowledge on how to love others is vast. Draw on that knowledge. If you’re ill- what would you do for your family if they were sick? If you’ve made a mistake- how would you treat a friend who made a mistake? Would you berate them and beat them up, or would you be compassionate and kind?
Examples for demonstrating self-love this season:
Presents.
Buy yourself a gift to go under the Christmas tree. It doesn’t need to be huge. It’s the fact that you demonstrated through action that you were thinking about yourself, your needs, your desires, and you actually took the time. I currently have a new tarot deck I’ve been wanting sitting under my tree. I can’t wait to open it!
“me” time.
Take time in your busy schedule to see to your relaxing needs. Laundry, showers- these are functional needs. Instead, how about massages or naps, maybe read that book that’s sitting on the shelf waiting to be read.
Honor what you feel.
If the need arises say, “no.” Use this word when it’s how you feel. You don’t need to yell or be rude in order to convey how you feel. But to silence the emotions you feel is to shun or disregard a part of yourself.
If you’re feeling sad or tired, walk away. Parties are fun, but if they aren’t what you need right now- honor how you feel and step away either for the night or for a few minutes.
If you’re feeling happy- sing, dance, jump up & down, and smile! Sing along to Christmas songs or dance around the room. Honor what you feel. The easy and pleasant and the hard and tough.
Say, “No Thank You,” to dysfunction.
Despite the fact Christmas is a holiday for family and friends you are not obligated by law to see, deal with, or suffer through people or places that aren’t healthy for you.
Communicate.
Often times when we are hurt by those we love it is unintentional. How is your family supposed to know if you don’t like or aren’t interested in something? They may say, do, or assume something. The only way for your family to make changes to support and love you is to communicate with them about what’s going on and what you need. They can’t read your mind, so any communication is better than staying silent.
America reshaped the styles and customs of Christmas to match her needs. The Christmas we know today comes from the self-love demonstration America did as a whole. Now I challenge you to approach this holiday season from the same place. A place of love. Love for yourself.
Your Daily Dose of Christmas:
Christmas Song: One More Light Shining by The Coats
Christmas Movie: Meet Me in St. Louis
- Watch the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdEouRM7Xv8
Daily Affirmation:
- “I allow myself time to learn how to love myself.”