I can remember being a little girl in my mother’s arms when she spoke to me about how special I am. From my family to my friends, I have known wonderful people who have supported me through each year of my life.
As grateful as I am for those I have known, I know that there are just as many people who have gone without these types of people. People who let us know our worth in an honest and accurate way.
While I have been blessed, I also know that this loving environment doesn’t guarantee our self-love. Because for all of those wonderful people I have known, some of them didn’t love themselves.
From best friends, to classmates, and even family members- just because I have been their wonderful person doesn’t mean that they loved themselves.
With this month’s theme being love, I want to spend this very special week talking about our self-love. Because while we talk about this idea all the time, we don’t always cover the definition and the logistical aspects of self-love.
You may know what it means, but do you how to love yourself? Do you know what it looks and feels like on a daily basis?
That’s what we’re going to cover today so stick around and we’re going to go over three key points to self-love.
One- Why self-love.
Two- What it means.
Three- How to do it.
Step One: Why Self-Love.
While self-love is encouraged all the time, we also are taught about worth and quality. That we owe it to ourselves, to live a healthy lifestyle, and this means loving those who have demonstrated their quality. Not their perfection but their overall good character. (Being kind, courteous, forgiving, etc.)
Then we turn around and are told to love ourselves unconditionally. As I have considered today’s topic this past week, I have struggled with these two messages.
On the one hand we need to love ourselves no matter what, but in order to successfully live a healthy life we need to consider the quality of each person that we invite into our community.
So, what’s the answer? Here’s what I’ve got so far.
Since we are looking for people of good quality and not perfection, then I say love yourself. Part of that means choosing to be a quality person. Not only in order to be successful at work or in the world, but to improve the quality of your life, of yourself.
If you are honestly working to live a good life, then you’ve achieved the quality we search for in a healthy lifestyle.
When we make the decision to love ourselves, we then, as an extra added bonus, reap many benefits and rewards-
- We experience love and happiness on a daily basis.
- Self-Love acts as a foundation for many other characteristics and experiences in life…
- Compassion.
- Forgiveness.
- Drive- to go out and make the changes that will improve the quality of our life.
- Self-confidence.
- Ambition & courage- to reach for the things that will bring us happiness.
- We physiologically (chemically) improve our health.
- & more.
Loving ourselves is an essential component to living a life where we aren’t just surviving but where we thrive; experiencing the love, joy, and happiness we dream of.
Step Two: What is Self-Love.
Self-love is that relationship we have with ourselves. It means taking the time and energy to unveil yourself, to yourself.
Consider this- Think about your best friend. How did you meet? When you met what did you know about that other person? What sort of energy and time did you put in to get to know this person? How do you demonstrate your friendship today?
What kind of…
- Time.
- Energy.
- Thought.
- Emotions.
- Money.
- Effort.
Do you put into to your relationship?
How much of those things do you put into your relationship with yourself?
We don’t automatically know ourselves. Between our subconscious, lack of education and knowledge about self-love, time, changes, growth, and depth knowing ourselves isn’t something that is already done each morning you wake up. Knowing ourselves needs to be an intentional act and continuous renewal of a relationship.
Take a moment to think about this fact, you don’t stop getting to know your friend or your family just because you spent years with them. You check in and see what they’ve been up to. How they’re feeling, what they’re into now, and how time has altered the nature of your relationship.
In these ways, your relationship with yourself is the exact same way. It takes time, energy, and effort; even when you’ve lived with yourself for all your life.
Essentially when people say, “self-love,” they mean your relationship with yourself.
Step Three: How to do it.
So, we’ve covered why we need self-love and what that means. Now we need to cover what that looks like. How we demonstrate self-love to ourselves every day.
Thankfully, while relationships are big, they offer us a number of ways to be successful. Due to this, you get to create a relationship with yourself that is to your liking. Using tools that you enjoy and finding alternative ones, to the tools that rub you wrong.
Here’s some of the ways you develop a relationship with yourself:
Time & Effort.
First and foremost, you need to alter your current schedule. Just as you would pencil in time with friends and family, you need to take the conscious time and effort to set space aside for you.
As time goes by and it becomes natural, your conscious relationship with yourself will not need to pointedly be penciled in. But when we’re getting started this helps us to stay consistent and get into a healthy routine.
Knowledge.
Having a relationship with yourself takes knowing about it. It requires knowledge about relationships, and healthy relationships. We want your self-love to be supportive, not degrading. This means we need to know at least a little bit about what we’re doing.
This knowledge can come through:
- Examples- You have relationships with other people what do they look like? What do you like about them? What don’t you like about them?
- Books- There are hundreds of books out there about interpersonal relationships.
- Articles- The pictures displayed in this post all link to other articles I have written on this subject.
- Therapy- Sometimes we need an external person to look at our relationship practically and clear-mindedly. Including our relationships with ourselves. While offering insight, a therapist will also offer you new and healthy tools.
Silliness.
Often times when we embark on serious endeavors or on important journeys we become the face of seriousness. We lose the light-hearted silliness that comes from our inner child. In this case, losing this piece of yourself won’t help you for a number of reasons.
The first is that you’ve just lost a part of yourself, and it’s yourself you’re trying to get to know and reach. Secondly, silliness will soften this journey. Rather than experiencing a moment of self-hate when you make a mistake you can laugh at what has just happened.
When we start getting to know ourselves, we need to stop and ask questions.
- How are you?
- How do you feel?
- What’s going on in your life?
- Are you happy with how things are going, or is there a different dream you wish to pursue?
- Etc.
It requires talking with yourself. You might find it easier to talk out loud or you might hold a conversation with yourself in your mind. Either way, this non-routine behavior can leave you feeling ridiculous and foolish.
Getting used to talking to yourself takes time. If you can approach these moments with a touch of silliness, then you can not only banish that foolish feeling, but you can also come away from that moment knowing yourself to a larger degree and happy.
Journaling.
If you aren’t comfortable with talking with yourself, or if you also want another tool, journaling is perfect. By writing down about your day, about the moments that were sad and happy, you will be demonstrating self-love and gathering knowledge.
Through the act of journaling we are taking the time to listen to our day. Just as a loved one might already do. An act of love.
Secondly, we are creating a record of our life. When we flip back through our journal you might start to find patterns.
- When are you most happy?
- When or who leaves you feeling tired and depressed?
Then you can take this data and information and make changes in your life. This way you can experience more happiness and get rid of those things that are toxic and unpleasant.
Metaphysical Tools:
Whether you take part in the “new age” philosophy or metaphysical tools or not is your choice. You by no means need them to develop a well-rounded and healthy relationship with yourself. But if you’re like me, then these are a part of who you are:
- Astrology- These readings offer insight into the plans and your character for this lifetime.
- Akashic Records- If you believe in reincarnation, then these records hold memories and information about other lifetimes you’ve lived.
- Numerology- From your personality to the daily energy you are experiencing, numerology offers a plethora of information.
- Soul Contract- Lets you into what you’ve got planned for this lifetime.
- Tarot- Offers insight into your frame of mind about a given subject. (It’s a great way for your subconscious and conscious to talk).
Practice & Patience.
While there are so many more tools we can use to build our relationship with ourselves, I am going to wrap up with this last one. Practice & Patience.
Like any other relationship there will be good days and not so good days. This happens for a number of reasons. Our own well-being, as well as the changes that will happen.
The nature of your relationship will change as you grow up, as new people enter your life, as you become a spouse and parent, or during a job change. We are not static beings, thank goodness or life would get really dull.
This just means that we need to take the time & effort to keep updated with the new you, that you grow into each day.
Final Thoughts:
I have worked on my relationship with myself for many years. Just as I’ve said, the nature of my relationship has changed. From the simple intentional time spent, to the now natural part of my day, or from learning about healthy relationship to building one. I have felt silly, and I have felt renewed and empowered.
Loving yourself I have found comes down to an individual choice. My recommendation is this, listen to those wonderful people in your life. They know what they’re talking about, and life becomes so much better when we choose to love ourselves.
Challenge:
This week look at your relationship with yourself and consider this: Are you happy with the way things currently are. If you are, great! And if you aren’t, then what are you going to do about it?
Tools:
- Each picture is a post about a different component of self-love.
- Stone: Rainbow Moonstone.
One of my favorite stones, its energy is perfect for this week. Rainbow moonstone combines two strong energies. The first is in aiding us in pursuit and understanding of our inner self, aiding in an inner balancing. The second is deep spiritual connection. With these two properties, the energy of the rainbow moonstone acts as a gentle in your life.
- Affirmations:
- “I open myself up to the love I carry within me.”
- “I choose to demonstrate self-love everyday.”
- “I shape my life based on my self-love.”