Tis’ the season for family and friends. But it’s also a season for love, such as self-love. Family is an interesting and sometimes annoying dynamic. Speaking from experience, learning how to navigate the needs of the self, and the needs of those I love is a challenging and wonderful experience.
Learning how to demonstrate self-love to yourself can mean changing the traditions and habits of our holiday season. If you spend a Christmas that focuses only on making others happy, it comes at a great expense to yourself and actually for others as well.
When I was a child my mother would host a family dinner on Christmas. For her, she would wake up very early to open presents with me. It seems the only day of the year that I naturally wake up early, is Christmas. Then after presents my mother would spend the day cooking.
Following her tedious hours in the kitchen, she would sit down, and we would have a Christmas dinner with family. But at what cost? For my mother she experienced great stress and exhaustion to accommodate all of us. Me with my Christmas morning, and for my family a dinner.
What my mother and I have learned is that you can’t make someone happy. You can do things to bring them joy, or surround them with happiness, but others choose how to feel and respond. If they want to be grumps, they’re going to be. So rather than acting co-dependent, taking on the responsibility for how others feel, focus on creating an environment that brings joy and happiness to life. Then it’s up to them to partake in the Christmas Spirit.
The cost for my mother doing a Christmas dinner affected all of us. For my mother she was too tired to really relax and enjoy our family dinner. As for my family, they connected less with my mother because she was tired. It’s hard to have a scintillating conversation with someone who is tired. As wonderful as the food was, my family came for us, my mother and I. So, for the benefit of all, we made some changes.
My mother and I began a tradition of a Christmas brunch. In this way my mother and I still got to enjoy our family, and they got to enjoy time with us, but instead of being tired my mother was awake and energized. Now each year we get together make French toast with bacon, sliced oranges, the option of eggs, and sparkling cider. Yum!
We then can spend as much time as we wish with our family until they leave. In this way they don’t need to be driving late at night, potentially in snow. Plus, they have the option to visit other family for dinner. As for my mother and I, as a child I had the rest of the day to play with toys, and my mother had the option to nap or rest or do whatever brings her joy.
When we discussed crafting our own Christmas Traditions we talked about the difference between doing what you think is “normal” and doing things that bring you joy. For my mother and I, Christmas brunch brings us joy.
During this holiday season, don’t feel stuck doing things that aren’t fun. Remember we create the Christmas Spirit, and it’s a lot easier to create and enjoy the spirit when we’re doing that which brings us joy.
Family is important, but our self-love is too. This means it’s ok to make changes. It’s ok to say no thank you. To reduce the amount of time spent together so you don’t neglect your alone time. I even encourage it. Because the truth is, that our family wants to spend time with a happy us, more than a cranky us. Should your family respond in a disgruntled manner, know that this is an indication of who they are. Communicate that this is what you need to demonstrate self-love and truly enjoy the holiday season.
Christmas allows for time with family. How you spend that time is limitless in possibilities. You can attend concerts and plays. Or stay at home making cookies or art projects. Maybe you go and see a game or go sledding. Or you could go on a hot air balloon ride or sky diving. Don’t be relegated by the “normal,” how you choose to spend Christmas is just that your choice.
Lastly, Christmas can also be a time when we miss the family we have lost. Grief is not a consecutive process; it ebbs and flows. When we demonstrate our self-love, we honor our emotions. If you need to step away, spend a night celebrating or mourning that family member, if you need to cry or break something- that’s ok. That’s healthy.
At the start of the month I discussed that this is a time, when we can swing from the height of joy to the lowest of sadness. When we have lost family or have yet to find our future family. Sadness is a natural and honest emotion.
Your Daily Dose of Christmas:
Christmas Song: Old Time Christmas by, George Strait
Christmas Movie: Home Alone
- Watch the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEDaVHmw7r4
Daily Affirmation:
- “I choose to create a Christmas that brings me joy.”