I have been studying the concept of love recently. Between self-reflection, observation, and various articles, my focus with love has centered around health and happiness.
When we base our lives around the concept of love, how we choose to see, interact, and understand the world is influenced. As a result, when we only open ourselves up to love with no thought or consideration, we open ourselves up to a potentially painful and unhealthy love/life.
So, we must think, consider, and learn about love. In this way we will not only get to live a life based upon and filled with love, but it will also be a healthy and healing love/life.
Follow along with me as I share with you the thoughts and conclusions I’ve made about love and life…
A Healthy Love:
My first step when considering love, was that I wanted it to be a wonderful experience. Where healing, health, and happiness where a part of the love I felt and received. Because when we look around the world, we can see other not so healthy forms of love.
These toxic types of love turn into obsessions, possession, and jealousy. It can drive people to become the abusers (whether mentally or physically) in a relationship or we can end up with stalkers or worse.
This is not the kind of love I desire.
After reaching this conclusion, my next step was to consider and answer the question, “What is a healthy type of love.”
What is a healthy type of love?
Now excluding the different forms of love we experience, (from friend, family, and lover) each type of relationship centers around the giving and receiving of love. We do this through actions, words, gestures, consideration, gifts, etc.
A healthy love in my opinion means choosing people who demonstrate a healthy lifestyle. Rather than just loving someone because we’re told we “have to,” we choose to love people based on quality and value.
In this way we can surround ourselves with happy and healing people. Our relationships will not be based upon dysfunction, and the quality of the love we receive and give will be rich.
Unconditional vs. Conditional Love:
After thinking about what kind of love I wanted to share and receive in my life, I set about reading some articles to learn more about love. In the process I discovered the Greek’s 8 types of love, where they break down the different ways we experience and build love.
I also came across an article by Luna and Sol who wrote about unconditional love. Within their article they pointed out some very important points when it comes to how we approach the concept and giving of love.
They defined conditional love as someone who will only give love when __________. That blank might stand for a standard (wealth, status, etc.), a test (gift, willingness to change) or even a change in behavior (stop drinking/doing drugs, etc.)
Which pointed out to me that some people do that. They make their love conditional. As long as they are getting their way, they will love you. But as soon as you do something they don’t agree with, or fail to meet a standard, you’ve lost their love.
While on the other hand, unconditional love, means choosing to share love with people no matter who they are or where they are on their journey. Wealth, status, occupation, health, illness, dysfunction, etc., none of these matter.
With these two new phrases in mind, they challenged my idea of a healthy love. So, I needed to think some more, and here’s what I concluded…
A Life Based Upon the Principles of Love:
It is of my belief that we need to demonstrate unconditional love to every single human being in the world.
No matter…
- Who they are.
- What they’ve done.
- What they believe.
- Where they live.
- What they look like.
- Or what it will get you.
When I talk about basic human kindness that we demonstrate to each person, this includes an unconditional love. A desire to impart healing more than harm.
My Spoonful Analogy:
As we live our life, we take love from within ourselves and we fill a spoonful and share it with each person we meet. (That unconditional love.) But it is the people we give 2+ spoonfuls of love to, that require some more thought.
I carry within me love. As I share it, and receive love, my heart grows as does my capacity for love. That being said, I also know that at this time, I only have so much heart and so much time to share. Which is why I set standards for that extra love I choose to share.
In this way I not only demonstrate self-love, by creating a community that does not promote dysfunctional relationships, but I also reach a place within myself to be available and loving with those I call friend, family, or lover.
It is important to note, that this standard isn’t a conditional love. I won’t rescind the love because someone does something I don’t like. It merely means that as I live my life, those who are in a healthy place (not a perfect place mind you) receive more. They become my inner circle.
So let’s review one last time…
Love Based On- Who & How Much:
I share my love with each person I meet. I increase the amount of love, time, effort, and consideration for those who I choose to include into my inner circle.
In this way, I live a life that supports the world and still love myself by being selective in who enters my inner sanctum. This way I stay safe and healthy.
Final Thoughts:
Love is a word we commonly use, but I also have found it to be one of the most illusive realities in life. Explaining who we love and why, when we love and when we stop, are all questions that poets and everyone else has been pondering for hundreds of years.
During my self-reflection I found that my understanding, definition, and actual application of love has changed with each year of my life. The experiences I have had, as well as the new knowledge I have acquired over the years, have changed my heart and my love.
Which leads me to my last conclusion (at this time), which is that love changes. Our understanding, experience, capacity, and even our inner circle changes.
When people come in and out of our lives, love will ebb and flow depending on the persons and on the time. So, don’t restrict yourself to what you have read here. Allow your heart to expand past the limits you now know, and into a new reality we can only dream of.
Challenge:
This week consider the concept of love. Do as I did, and look at your past, your present, your knowledge, your desires, and even your application of love. Do you want to live your life based on love? Do you want a healthy love? Do you love yourself?
Tools:
- Dr. John & Julia Gottman- This married research team have opened our eyes to the mystic layers of marriage and relationships. After 40 years, their research and institute have a lot of wisdom to share.
- Dr. Chapman- He is an author, speaker, and counselor. Having spent more than 25 years working to discover and share insight into love and healthy relationships.
- Luna & Sol: Check out what they have to say about love.
- Stone: Heart Chakra.
Rather than focusing on one stone this week, I am focusing on our Heart Chakra. I have pulled six stones that pair well, and have only shared the properties pertaining to our Heart Chakra.
- Rose Quartz- Unconditional Love.
- Rhodochrosite- Compassionate Love.
- Rhodonite- Self-love & unconditional love.
- Amazonite- Courage & hope.
- Malachite- Heart healer.
- Chrysoprase- Opens heart and sends healing energy through it.
- Affirmations:
- “I open my heart to the love within the world.”
- “I choose to create a community based upon healthy love.”
- “I choose to love myself today (unconditionally) rather than waiting until I meet my conditions (weight, healthiness, status, wealth, age, etc.)”